So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
