where am i from again
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You're like the curious george of whores
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
