He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
