I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
