The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
