if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize