woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Please don't give away my fajitas
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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