I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
