I'm laying in your front yard are you home
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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