AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm too high and old for this...
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
