i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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