tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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