I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
