my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
