So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
