cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
