whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
