even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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