The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
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