im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
