I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
