Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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