Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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