Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Randomize
