apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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