Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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