If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Randomize
