I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
