I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
