Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
