I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
4 words: hood of his car
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Randomize
