Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
