I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
