I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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