When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
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