you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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