Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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