Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
