i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
