No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i just had sex bonerless
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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