just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
