i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
