Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
