my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
