Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
