You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
