Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
