Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
