Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
