is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
