You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
