careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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