I wanna bring you to show and tell
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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