is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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