can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
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