I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
