Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
It's shark week go big or go home
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
