My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
