Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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