i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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