I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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