What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
