I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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