at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
