she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
